It’s Our Testimony Not A Source Of Frustration. — Plantains Please

Posted: January 27, 2020 by Patrice Miles in C.A.R.E. Africa, Egbe Nigeria, Nigeria, People of Egbe, Titi

Another beautiful post by Titi!!

via It’s Our Testimony Not A Source Of Frustration. — Plantains Please

It’s dark in here. The shadows slowly creep in.

Its slithering tentacles slowly wrapping itself around the last of my resolve. It’s hard to open my eyes, it’s dark in here.

My heart is racing, pumping useless adrenaline through my body, increasing my crippling anxiety. The part of me that is of the darkness fights the light and I struggle as I will not give in to the darkness.

But for how long? How long before the shadows seep into my unconscious self?    How long before I lose myself?

Why is this so hard? Why can’t the whole of me desire the light? I need it, this light.

Of what use are my desires anyways? They sing to the messengers of the dark like a siren’s song craving destruction, seeking to drag me to my demise and away from whom I have only ever bared my soul to.

He who showed me what it means to love, the one who I engaged with in pure love. I want it, this light.

The one that completes me, the dregs of my being cry out for him and his light. My nothingness cries out for his fulfillment, my heart longs for moments not clouded with sin.

My will falls apart everyday, it’s harder to build it back up. I crave it, this light from my savior.

Is our choice between life and death, a blessing or curse? My dejected self longs for destruction, my flesh is the epitome of foolishness as it continues to crave misery. It is a constant battle, draining and exhausting.

Yet I will keep fighting to see and live in his light, this light will permeate through the darkness of my heart.

Ara mi gbōn, okan mi gbògbé, iye mi wuwó! sugbon otí mumi larada!

(My body is weak, my heart bleeds, my mind is heavy but you have saved me!)

Fear not, my dejected self, if only you would completely surrender. For the thick and deep shadows fail to stop his light from shining through.

One day! One day! He will come back and we will forever be free from this growing weight.

It is a testimony, It is your testimony, embrace it for He embraces you- the whole of you.

Comments
  1. Victoria Lemke says:

    Wow. I needed this today. From the darkness of the corners of my being. God light up those corners.

  2. Ginger says:

    So beautifully written.

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